What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
