I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You need a sexual gate keeper
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
