Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
