I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
