And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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