I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
