If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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