went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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