Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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