Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
