I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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