It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
