Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
