I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
