In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
