So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
