I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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