On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
