I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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