He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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