Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
