Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
