I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
