Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
