I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
