she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
