this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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