didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
