dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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