Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just invented taco cereal.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
