So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
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Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
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I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
All the doctor said was why
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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