By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
