Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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