So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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