Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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