Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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