The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
