She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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