Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
