Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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