he shaved USA in his pubs
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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