i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
