my mouth tastes like poor choices
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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