Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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