Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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