Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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