so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
What a dumb baby whore.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
