is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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