Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
