note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
