She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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