he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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