watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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