god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
