Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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