Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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