So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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