he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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