; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I want to have your abortion
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
