You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
