Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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