Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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