I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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