Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
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