I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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