You just made me feel so damn special
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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