I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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