I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
