It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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