And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I lost the right to judge tonight
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
